Safety Spotlight #2 – Playground Safety
This week on The Safety Spotlight, we will cover the most important topic ever, Safety in The Playground.
An Introduction to Playgrounds
Playgrounds are a form of concrete outdoor prison invented by the establishment, in order to contain unsightly children during the hours of 10:15-10:30, 12:00-13:00 and 14:15-14:30. Playgrounds allow children to be released from their indoor cells during these three periods, allowing fresh air and extra-curricular activity. Most playgrounds are surrounded by large fencing and patrolled by the dinner lady police or assigned hot teaching assistants.
The Dangers
Children and their prison wardens have many dangers to face in the Playground. Of course, any member of staff is outnumbered by a factor of 50:1, and any rebellion on the behalf of the prisoners could prove fatal. There are various techniques to overcome unlawful prisoners, including the famous technique “hands on heads”, and the infam
ous “fingers on lips”. This should be combined with a large supply of rubber nuclear weaponry to dispearce the crowds in emergencies.
The dangers to children.
They’re fine. Just throw some rusty pipe in there for them to play with, they’re a creative bunch. There, that hobo, he’ll teach them a trick or two!
How to deal with emergencies.
In an emergency, there is a golden set of procedures that MUST be followed at all times.
- Blow your whistle in order to make all children freeze on the spot.
- Blow it again, since it’s quite humorous. Repeat a few times to demonstrate your control.
- Force children to form several single-file lines, based on class, and ensure lines are in alphabetical order based on surname.
- Conduct a full roll-call to ensure injured child’s identity.
- Question all pupils on the identity of injured child, and take witness statements for future diciplinary action.
- Evacuate playground.
- Brew up in staff-room while reviewing the collected evidence.
- Attend to injured child. Perhaps take first aid kit? If applicable, dial 999.
Remember, follow these tips for a safe and productive playground. Click here for more Safety Spotlights.
