5 tricks to pull when you're bored.

I’ve had a long and stressful week this week. Apart from all the overtime, we’ve had a lot of work and everyone back at the office is burned out, myself included. The one thing, though, you tend to learn while under pressure is how to release it, by playing stupid tricks, or at least, having the idea.

5) What goes up, must come down.
If you really want to wind somebody trying to do a site inspection right up, there’s no finer tool than this one. Take a full king-sized bed, and chuck it out of the first floor window, knocking down an entire scaffold in the process. No word of a lie, we had this one happen the other day. As stupid as it is, the funny side is there, if you ignore the potential deaths and huge stacks of paperwork it’s inflicted upon me. Oh, and for good measure, tell the inspector that he’s the cause of the problem, while the bodies are flailing around in the background.

4) Problem with the neighbours? Get some Japanese Knotweed.
Yup. As a semi-regular floater-rounder of the East Lancashire Railway, I sort of knew about Japanese Knotweed, and when a job came up this week that required us to remove a load of the stuff, I found out just how much I knew. The stuff grows practically anywhere, in three days give or take, and once it’s there, it’s impossible to get rid of, so much so it’s considered an invasive species in many countries, and as such the spread of it is illegal. So, why not plant a load of it in your neighbours garden, for six months of guaranteed stress?

3) Never tell the truth when a lie will do.
So when someone called me up with the wrong number, I pretended to be the person the required. I never in a million years thought it would work, but once I started, I sort of had to finish. Paula Finnagan, if you’re out there, a bloke called Joseph Branning will be attending your confrence on Wednesday at 9.00am, although sadly he’ll end up at a random address.

2) If you really want to confuse the office, put stickers everyware.
We have a big open plan office upstairs at our depot, and for some reason, it fell to me and a collegue to plaster “Switch off when not in use” stickers on the screens. I thought it would be a far better idea to stick “Switch off the light when not in use” ones on the screens, or stick them under the telephone handset, or my favourite, using “Danger, Asbestos” stickers instead.

1) When your collegue is being a tit, throw him in the skip.
If your collegue is being a bit of a prat, talking about his new corporate role, salary, company car, and just his general smug gittiness, it’s hard to keep nodding, so eventually you want to put a sock in it. Well, we went one better, and picked him up, square in his chair, carried him out to the skip area, and just plonked him the wood skip. Trust me when I say I’ve never felt so good in my entire life.

Now it’s important. I have a bet on.

EDIT: At the time of writing, I didn’t know how badly James was going to shit-out, and as such loose the bet by default. Which is…..meh. Meatball Marinara she wants.

I have a bet with Angela now. We’ve made The Apprentice predictions, and the looser has to buy the winner a Subway. Yes. It’s personal when Subway comes into it. So, I’m sticking with James and Kate in the final, with James going on to win it. She’s gone for Yasmina and Lorraine, with Yasmina to win…..

Secretly I’m hoping Debra might win and make it a stalemate, so I get out of the fact she’ll buy anything that isn’t the Sub of the Day AND make it double cheese.

.

Anyway, while I have ya’lls attention, I think I might just point out a humorous thing I’ve noticed with Windows Mobile 6.5, of which a copy somehow found it’s way onto my phone;

Yup. It’s a blatant iPhone rip-off. I really don’t see the point in this. I like the sliding lock and think it looks neat, but the fact is it’s stolen. Why Microsoft think moving it to the center top of the screen makes the idea “unique”, I don’t know. They seem to think we won’t notice their source of inspiration or something.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one to support Apple, no no, they’re still far too expensive and, as such, are suitable only for hippies with drug issues. The point is, that even a Mushroom-crazed Volkswagen Van owner has the right to his or her copyright. Dammit Microsoft, start leading rather than following.

Now it's important. I have a bet on.

EDIT: At the time of writing, I didn’t know how badly James was going to shit-out, and as such loose the bet by default. Which is…..meh. Meatball Marinara she wants.

I have a bet with Angela now. We’ve made The Apprentice predictions, and the looser has to buy the winner a Subway. Yes. It’s personal when Subway comes into it. So, I’m sticking with James and Kate in the final, with James going on to win it. She’s gone for Yasmina and Lorraine, with Yasmina to win…..

Secretly I’m hoping Debra might win and make it a stalemate, so I get out of the fact she’ll buy anything that isn’t the Sub of the Day AND make it double cheese.

.

Anyway, while I have ya’lls attention, I think I might just point out a humorous thing I’ve noticed with Windows Mobile 6.5, of which a copy somehow found it’s way onto my phone;

Yup. It’s a blatant iPhone rip-off. I really don’t see the point in this. I like the sliding lock and think it looks neat, but the fact is it’s stolen. Why Microsoft think moving it to the center top of the screen makes the idea “unique”, I don’t know. They seem to think we won’t notice their source of inspiration or something.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one to support Apple, no no, they’re still far too expensive and, as such, are suitable only for hippies with drug issues. The point is, that even a Mushroom-crazed Volkswagen Van owner has the right to his or her copyright. Dammit Microsoft, start leading rather than following.

Yes, I am writing an Apprentice Post!

I have been promising various semi-frequent posters here (….the fact there are semi-frequent posters is still astonishing) a blog post about Sir Alan Sugar’s hit TV series, The Apprentice. I’ve tried to avoid the subject to be honest, because it’s such a cleché that everyone writes about, but demand is high and creativity is low at the moment.

One thing I have noticed is just how few men have made it to the final few this year. At the moment, there are 4 women to 2 men, which is pretty amazing really. It’ll be interesting to see who’ll go tonight, because frankly, I don’t see Howard getting very  much further. He’s not really done much to make himself stand out so far, and he’s certainly the weakest of the lot.

That said, I see James making it to the final. Why? I think Sir Alan see’s something in him. If I had to put money on it, it would be a Kate / James finish, but of course, Yasmina and Debra are just as strong, assuming Debra does not run into trouble with her mouth.

Lorraine, on the other hand, much like that madwoman with the funny colour hats last year, is a complete and total nutter. I don’t see her getting to the final, purely because Sir Alan will have her taken away in a white overcoat before long.

So, tonight’s task then! Selling items on a shopping channel, which was my favourite task of a few seasons ago. I do look forward to it.