Why too much spare time is dangerous.

We’ve all suffered from exhaustion, the point where the daily drudgery of working life becomes too much. I recently reached this point when I discovered that I was spending so much time working or worrying about it, I had no time for myself, or my other projects. I decided to hatch a cunning plan. I would book two weeks away from work, and use the time to catch up with everything I’ve fallen behind on, relax, and have some fun.

The only problem is, whenever you actually have spare time, you never use it particularly wisely. I’ve been on holiday for nearly five days now, and I’ve yet to do a single thing that I planned too. It’s taken me this long just to start writing this blog.

Without a deadline, the human body seems to go into some kind of “chill-out” mode. Whereas my life before was wake up, shower, change, grab my lunch and quickly run to the train station for a full day’s work, I now wake up after midday, and don’t leave my bed until gone one.

There are other strange symptoms to this, too. For example, I find myself distracted by things which I would otherwise consider relatively trivial. Not content with reskinning the FileFront Forums completely, or creating threads like this, I caught myself trying to partition my hard drive so I could install Ubuntu onto my computer. I have no idea why I wanted to do this, because it’s a shockingly poor operating system these days that doesn’t work with a single device that I own, yet I nearly did it. I then moved onto trying to install Mac OS X. I figured this too much effort to do, so I then thought about installing Windows XP, so I could reskin it to look like Mac OS X.

I finally snapped out of it and did something useful, but for a moment I was nearly going to throw away an entire evening on something meaningless and stupid.

Despite all this free time, I also find myself even lazier than I was before. Rather than going out to the shops to restock when my fridge is empty and I feel hungry, I keep going back every 10 minutes or so to see if there’s an uneaten sausage that I’ve somehow missed. I then return to the living room to play more Fallout 3 before realising I am hungry again, and going for another look.

Ultimately though, isn’t this what holidays are all about? Relaxing? Being able to take your sweet old time about everything? Who cares that I’ll never get anything done, I’ll worry about that when I go back to work.

Next week should be interesting…

I‘m going to Birmingham this Wednesday to rub shoulders with “important” people at a conference, which on one level is the worst thing in the world, but on another might just be the greatest thing ever.

If you’ve never been to an event like this, you’re basically guaranteed two things; firstly, a plonker called Keith will tell every director, manager or person with power just how much he admires them, how lovely they look, and how much he loves working for them. Keith will then go into a waffle to anybody who will listen about what he’s done for the company this year in the vain hope that somebody will believe what he’s saying and give him a promotion.

Secondly, the directors and managers will give various presentations comprised of 40% jargon, 60% fabrication and 100% propaganda, to put across their company as the greatest thing since somebody took knife to loaf. The Keith’s of this world will lap this stuff up like a kitten would catnip, and stand up at the end clapping like the world depended on it. This two-way street of bullshit is a complete and utter waste of everyone’s time, as the people in the audience won’t retain what the higher-ups said, and the higher-ups won’t pay any attention to what the people who have attended said, except to observe them and their reactions to various things throughout the day and  then make unfair assessments that will go on their unofficial permanent record.

This is where it gets confusing, however. In order to survive in the company I have to follow Keith’s lead and kiss the ass of everyone with power who turns up; because If I don’t, this is observed as a lack of desire to progress within the company. If I don’t sell myself to the corporate system then I am considered expendable and an excuse will be found to expel me from the company.

So with this in mind, I’m bringing two innovations to this conference that I intend to sell to anybody who will listen. I’ve developed two rather impressive online systems that hopefully will catch some attention among those in “higher circles”, and with any luck, somebody will back it and I’ll end up in the next edition of the company propaganda magazine.

Why is that the greatest thing ever? Well, I happen to know that I’m being put forward for a pay rise next week too, and the decision will hinge on this conference. If I slip under the radar nobody will care if they refuse it. If I’m making waves in the water and getting praise from various people in the echelons of command, then they can’t refuse me. It wouldn’t look good for the company propaganda machine to refuse a pay rise for someone doing well.

Ultimately though I can’t help but avoid the fact that this makes me no better than Keith. I’m playing the corporate game to get ahead when I personally detest it, and that is possibly the worst thing of all.

Money, it’s a funny thing.

TODAY’S POST IS SPONSORED BY: REALLY SHIT GIF IMAGES INC.

And I’m quite short of it, but nevermind. It’s there to be spent right? Otherwise it just burns a hole in your pocket.

One more pay day before christmas, however, and as I get paid on the 15th, this gives me 10 days to do some panic christmas shopping. For those previously confused; there should be no shadow of a doubt by now that I am indeed a bloke with that statement, any bird would have had christmas shopping wrapped up in mid-July.

It’s funny stuff though, money. Take British Telecom, for example. They have loads of the stuff, but the only person in the whole of one particular village in Oxfordshire-Buckinghamshire to have the ability to recieve broadband just happens to be the Managing Director.

It’s too expensive to hook anyone else up, but Sir Michael Rake just happened to be 1cm closer to the exchange than everybody else and qualified. What a funny coincidence, huh? It certainly has nothing to do with the fact it’s unprofitable to hook everyone else in the village up, though.

Anyway, following on to today’s post’s money theme, I’m about to check the Bonus Ball number from this past saturday, to see if I’ve won the work draw. Exciting stuff people, this is live entertainment right ere’!

Okay, here I go, opening Google. Opening the website. Clicking on Lotto…….and…… fucking bastard. The bonus ball is 8, my first choice had it not been taken, as it’s my lucky number. I picked 18. Fuck fuck fuck. I really could use that £50.

It’s the inappropriate build-up to Christmas period….

Yep, it’s that really annoying time of year. You know, when the shops inappropriatly go Christmas crazy, but the leave’s have not even started falling off the trees yet.

There have been all sorts of remarkable things going on this year in Manchester. Oldham town market for example, already has a Santa’s grotto, and frankly I don’t think he’s licensed, either. I mean he was clearly eger.

Every supermarket has stacks of mince pies and selection boxes the moment you walk in the door of course, but nothing is quite so stupid as Morrisons own brand Mince Pies that have a use-by date way before the 25th of December. Now that just seems fucking strange if you ask me.

Of course plans are already afoot for putting the fecking Santa up on the Town Hall. I was supposed to be down there doing inspections this week but of course with David Cameron in town things have been put on the back burner. Still, it’s a new Santa this year apparently, which is always exciting isn’t it. Let’s just hope James May does not attach his caravan to it and attempt to fly off.

Back to the topic at hand though, stupid early christmas build-ups, B&Q is already pushing those stupid robotic Santa’s, and I think there’s one market town out towards Bury that already has it’s town lights up (wtf?). My favourite though, is the new gang in the area known as the ‘Movement for the Containment of Christmas’, who are randomly attacking stores that are selling christmas items too early.

So ruthless are the gang that three charity shops and a newsagent have been pranked called, and given stern warnings to stop selling the cards until mid-November. The trouble got out of hand, however, this past weekend when one member of the gang malicously and with intent stuck a message onto a shop window.

“This is a very polite but very serious reminder not to display Xmas cards until 1st November. We will put superglue into your locks if you do. Peace and goodwill (the Mind shop got done on Sunday).” They’ve gone too far dammit, too far!