Ah, where to start, it’s been a funny old week. I think the most random event was the tram derailment, which suffice to say was “interesting” – never before have I witnessed such awesome stupidity, it was, my friends, truly epic. If any of you have any budding aspirations to become a tram driver, I seriously reccomend reversing on spring loaded points and hitting a overhead stantion. It’s hilarious fun.

I could go into a full blown rant about this but, eh, I don’t think I care anymore. I just love the fact that millions of our pounds were spent on a pointless new branch line that runs 650 yards, adds 10 minutes to my journey, and results in derailments on the second day of opening. This must be that “better Metrolink” that was coming. I really enjoy having to derail, then take the 33 bus, over the old system.

Anyway, enough of that. I’m sure everyone was excitied to learn that the Sheepeep, Darkclone and I met up this past weekend like the internet nerds we are for Mr. Clone’s epic birthday party doodar. There have been many frequently asked questions about this event so I thought I might summerise them here for the sake of nothing else to write about;

• We don’t call each other our usernames in real life.
• Sheep really does have pointlesly long yet awesome hair.
• I really do have none.
• Darkclone also has hair. Infact I’m quite bitter about the hair. I WANT HAIR.
• I get on with Sheep about as well in real life as I do on “the interweb” – in other words, not at all. =P
• PRECIOUS EGG-O-MATIC HOVERCRAFT
• It was a good lulz.
• Yes, every reader of this blog was together the same time, except McDermott Cube.

Finally, I need some answers on a postcard. I actually went to the trouble of purchasng an iPod some time ago (second hand, of course) and now I can’t seem to charge it. I think it’s been charging off USB for the past 3 hours but it still won’t turn on. What the hell do I do with it? I want to listen to choonz in the office. We have an iPod dock, you know. We’re a cool section.

For the record, this does not indicate any affiliation to Steve Jobs or his faulty products, I merely purchased it as a favour to someone. The fact I can’t get it working should speak volumes about it.

FOR THE CAUSE XXX

~Danny

The news that thousands upon thousands of a particular model, worldwide, can’t stop under certain circumstances is quite hilarious if it wasn’t so potentially dangerous. What ammuses me most about this, though, is the fact that this isn’t caused by a faulty brake disk, wire, cable or component – it’s a software error.

And the fix for this problem? Well, a firmware update, obviously.

A bug in computer software can be an annoyance. It might stop me from getting my spreadsheet into the boss on time, or stop me from getting to level 21 in a game, but for a software bug to stop me from being able to stop my car properly?

Of course, this particular firmware update requires the owner to return the car to the Toyota dealership. But what about the future, when people receive firmware updates to their car’s dash over the air?

Software controlling output on a screen is fine, but when it governs the physical interaction of the world, it needs to be right. Sure, things can fail mechanically, too, but traditionally, you need to be near someone’s car to cut their brake line.

The thought occurs that, one day, someone might find a way to send some kind of software modification to a model of car, and cause every single person’s brakes to fail simultaniously, or invert their steering or somesuch. And the idea that we might be closer to that day than we all think is frightning.

So next time you open a dodgy e-mail, look out for Pryus’ coming towards you. All might not be as it seems….

WHO CAME UP WITH THAT DUMB IDEA?

Anyway, ALON-ZEE, as the late, great 10th Doctor used to say. Sad that really, he was a very good Doctor and a very sexy man indeed. If I was a woman or a gay I’d have him in a heartbeat. The new kid, though, not so good. I mean he might be a very fine doctor indeed but, having looked at this new trailer, the size of his jaw is just highlighted by that stupid bow tie.

Still, a new year, a new decade even, so it’s somthing new to get used to. Another new thing to get used to is the new trams in Manchester City Centre. They’re very funky and ride like a baby’s freshly talc’d bottom. Smooth as. It’s like Johnson’s Baby Oil on rails.

Anyway, new year, time for some predicitions;

Danny’s Predicted Historical Events in 2010

• Manchester City might actually win something.
• Michael Jackson will return Tupac style and release a new album.
• Woolworths will return to the high street.
• Sonic The Hedgehog will return to his #1 spot as the king of all Video Game time.
• Star Trek II will be properly announced.
• Red Dwarf Series IX will air on Dave, over a decade since Series VIII aired. Rejoyce.
• Nothing at all will happen with the Afghanistan situation.
• President Obama will improve the lives of all working class Americans, and in return they’ll remove him from office.
• George Bush’s new son, Bushdroid, will take office.
• GLADoS returns to extract revenge, and ensure that she triumphs in huge success.
• The Conservative Party will return to power for the first time since 1997 and privatise the last remaning public services.
• David Cameron will stop riding his bicycle to work.
• The New Doctor Who will either Flop or Fly.
• Bioshock 2 for Xbox 360 will be made of epic win.

Danny’s Predicted People who will die in 2010

• Bruce Forsythe will die on live TV groping some 20 year old stunners breasts as he goes down.
• Gordon Brown commits suicide after loosing to the Tories.
• Fern Britton will die after being strung up by her ladyparts in some freak sex accident.
• Bear Grills will do an “Irwin” and be killed by a woodpecker, or other seemingly innocent animal.
• Yuji Naka will be flogged publically and killed if his input on Project Needlemouse results in lots of random unavoidable pits.
• PC Doyle will die of fat.
• Smithy from The Bill will be killed off in a freak handgliding accident.
• Elvis will return from the grave, only to be instantly killed in a freak yaughting accident.
• Kaz Hari of embarassment when, at E3 2010, he announces the price of the PlayStation 4.
• Takeshi Kitano in the same freak yaughting accident.
• Myself.

WHO CAME UP WITH THAT DUMB IDEA?

Anyway, ALON-ZEE, as the late, great 10th Doctor used to say. Sad that really, he was a very good Doctor and a very sexy man indeed. If I was a woman or a gay I’d have him in a heartbeat. The new kid, though, not so good. I mean he might be a very fine doctor indeed but, having looked at this new trailer, the size of his jaw is just highlighted by that stupid bow tie.

Still, a new year, a new decade even, so it’s somthing new to get used to. Another new thing to get used to is the new trams in Manchester City Centre. They’re very funky and ride like a baby’s freshly talc’d bottom. Smooth as. It’s like Johnson’s Baby Oil on rails.

Anyway, new year, time for some predicitions;

Danny’s Predicted Historical Events in 2010

• Manchester City might actually win something.
• Michael Jackson will return Tupac style and release a new album.
• Woolworths will return to the high street.
• Sonic The Hedgehog will return to his #1 spot as the king of all Video Game time.
• Star Trek II will be properly announced.
• Red Dwarf Series IX will air on Dave, over a decade since Series VIII aired. Rejoyce.
• Nothing at all will happen with the Afghanistan situation.
• President Obama will improve the lives of all working class Americans, and in return they’ll remove him from office.
• George Bush’s new son, Bushdroid, will take office.
• GLADoS returns to extract revenge, and ensure that she triumphs in huge success.
• The Conservative Party will return to power for the first time since 1997 and privatise the last remaning public services.
• David Cameron will stop riding his bicycle to work.
• The New Doctor Who will either Flop or Fly.
• Bioshock 2 for Xbox 360 will be made of epic win.

Danny’s Predicted People who will die in 2010

• Bruce Forsythe will die on live TV groping some 20 year old stunners breasts as he goes down.
• Gordon Brown commits suicide after loosing to the Tories.
• Fern Britton will die after being strung up by her ladyparts in some freak sex accident.
• Bear Grills will do an “Irwin” and be killed by a woodpecker, or other seemingly innocent animal.
• Yuji Naka will be flogged publically and killed if his input on Project Needlemouse results in lots of random unavoidable pits.
• PC Doyle will die of fat.
• Smithy from The Bill will be killed off in a freak handgliding accident.
• Elvis will return from the grave, only to be instantly killed in a freak yaughting accident.
• Kaz Hari of embarassment when, at E3 2010, he announces the price of the PlayStation 4.
• Takeshi Kitano in the same freak yaughting accident.
• Myself.

I just thought I would plug my new blog. Not to be confused with this blog, mind, which is just fine and dandy as it is, this is a new blog. Woooo. 

http://ww… *ahem* http://www.gmtblog.com/ is a new blog dedicated entirely to the subject of Transport in Greater Manchester. GOSH HOW EXCITING you must be thinking. Well, yeah, but it’s a subject that I pay attention too, so, why the hell not?

 Updates will be several-weekly hopefully (because people are far more interested in how the buses are running than little old me, anyway) – and will contain tidbits on everything from how bad First are to several photo’s of GMPTE head Keith Whitmoore in a bannana hammock.

Anyway, that is all. Will write funny things soon. <3

 This, my friends, is a bus scandle.

Of course yours truely starts to brick himself because, being at the innocent age of 21, is entitled to travel on a Young Persons’ SystemOne card. This is offset, however, by the fact I look 43. If this guy even suspects that I might be telling porkie pies here, I’m going to get a cactus inserted where only customs men dare to probe by the Old Bill and Ben under terrorism laws or something.

Thankfully the inspector, who was made three times as large than he actually is by his maroon and black GMPTE rainproof coat (on a sweltering day, worthy of any Australian BBQ) didn’t look twice. Yippe.

Intregued by this turn of events, I questioned the man as to what the Police officers where for. He gave me a sort of cryptic answer, saying “there’s more to these inspections than it seems, shall we say”. Hmm. What?

So, I did a bit of digging. Having contacts in local independant JP Travel, who know everybody from here to Stagecoach, it turns out that there’s been something of a brew-haha on the buses as of late. Get this;

Over 60 drivers for Stagecoach alone have been sacked. The majority have also been prosecuted. As proof of this, I’ve even seen an internal memo sent to all Stagecoach staff, informing them of this fact.

The reason? I’ve not got a solid definition yet, but my friend at JP suggests the art of  “pocketing” is the culprit. What’s pocketing, you might ask? Well, it goes like this; Kid gets onto bus. Kid puts fare on tray. Kid walks off instantly. Driver forgets to enter information into ticket machine and just keeps the cash for himself.

Another popular one is the “Broken” ticket machine, where every fare that isn’t a Day Saver (for which the machine makes a wonderful recovery), will go right into the driver’s pocket.

Apparently during the school runs, drivers can make upwards of £100 per trip, and make a months wages in a day with some expert timing and a sharp eye.

So, keep your eye out for it next time you’re on the bus. And let me know if you see any police knocking about trying to catch it, too.

 This, my friends, is a bus scandle.

Of course yours truely starts to brick himself because, being at the innocent age of 21, is entitled to travel on a Young Persons’ SystemOne card. This is offset, however, by the fact I look 43. If this guy even suspects that I might be telling porkie pies here, I’m going to get a cactus inserted where only customs men dare to probe by the Old Bill and Ben under terrorism laws or something.

Thankfully the inspector, who was made three times as large than he actually is by his maroon and black GMPTE rainproof coat (on a sweltering day, worthy of any Australian BBQ) didn’t look twice. Yippe.

Intregued by this turn of events, I questioned the man as to what the Police officers where for. He gave me a sort of cryptic answer, saying “there’s more to these inspections than it seems, shall we say”. Hmm. What?

So, I did a bit of digging. Having contacts in local independant JP Travel, who know everybody from here to Stagecoach, it turns out that there’s been something of a brew-haha on the buses as of late. Get this;

Over 60 drivers for Stagecoach alone have been sacked. The majority have also been prosecuted. As proof of this, I’ve even seen an internal memo sent to all Stagecoach staff, informing them of this fact.

The reason? I’ve not got a solid definition yet, but my friend at JP suggests the art of  “pocketing” is the culprit. What’s pocketing, you might ask? Well, it goes like this; Kid gets onto bus. Kid puts fare on tray. Kid walks off instantly. Driver forgets to enter information into ticket machine and just keeps the cash for himself.

Another popular one is the “Broken” ticket machine, where every fare that isn’t a Day Saver (for which the machine makes a wonderful recovery), will go right into the driver’s pocket.

Apparently during the school runs, drivers can make upwards of £100 per trip, and make a months wages in a day with some expert timing and a sharp eye.

So, keep your eye out for it next time you’re on the bus. And let me know if you see any police knocking about trying to catch it, too.

Can you Adam n’ Eve it? YouTube finally whacked the ban stick down on my old account full of things that should not have been there, so the video section is now also useless, along with the content bit, the contact bit, and pretty much all of it. The development time on this website is becoming beyond funny, I know, but at least the blog is kept semi-updated.

The problem is, my other channel, with the HD videos on, has also now gone, as I stupidly used the same e-mail address. Aren’t I clever?

I recently did a talk to an entire school about the virtues of Health & Safety. That’s 650 kids. (Nobody else would do it, no.) Suffice to say the experience was, well, different than I was expecting. Kids have a good sense of humor, and teachers are a lot hotter than I remember. Teaching assistants are anyway. The where totally all over me and my shining high-vis and safety helmet. (….or not).It was surprisingly good fun anyway. We had a DVD projector set up and banners and stuff, it looked really professional. I think the best bit was when I asked the kids what a skip was, and one girl replied back “crisps”. – Good times.

Anyway, I totally also went to York last weekend to see Tornado, the brand-new steam locomotive, the first one built for over 40 years, and also Sir Nigel Gresley, the A4 Pacific loco. 4am rise, out of Piccadilly Station by 5am – suffice to say it was a good day, although the hangover was a little too much for some, and indeed York station now has a sort of barf-yellow tint. You can check out the photos at the usual place.

Anyway, gotta scoot’n me noot’n, or however that saying goes. I shall wite about the dying or potentially by that time dead Jade Goody soon, along with fixing the 500,000 errors and shiz.

Peace bredren.

Can you Adam n’ Eve it? YouTube finally whacked the ban stick down on my old account full of things that should not have been there, so the video section is now also useless, along with the content bit, the contact bit, and pretty much all of it. The development time on this website is becoming beyond funny, I know, but at least the blog is kept semi-updated.

The problem is, my other channel, with the HD videos on, has also now gone, as I stupidly used the same e-mail address. Aren’t I clever?

I recently did a talk to an entire school about the virtues of Health & Safety. That’s 650 kids. (Nobody else would do it, no.) Suffice to say the experience was, well, different than I was expecting. Kids have a good sense of humor, and teachers are a lot hotter than I remember. Teaching assistants are anyway. The where totally all over me and my shining high-vis and safety helmet. (….or not).It was surprisingly good fun anyway. We had a DVD projector set up and banners and stuff, it looked really professional. I think the best bit was when I asked the kids what a skip was, and one girl replied back “crisps”. – Good times.

Anyway, I totally also went to York last weekend to see Tornado, the brand-new steam locomotive, the first one built for over 40 years, and also Sir Nigel Gresley, the A4 Pacific loco. 4am rise, out of Piccadilly Station by 5am – suffice to say it was a good day, although the hangover was a little too much for some, and indeed York station now has a sort of barf-yellow tint. You can check out the photos at the usual place.

Anyway, gotta scoot’n me noot’n, or however that saying goes. I shall wite about the dying or potentially by that time dead Jade Goody soon, along with fixing the 500,000 errors and shiz.

Peace bredren.

The need for change, change we need, need we change and the changing need for we are all important keywords at the moment, and I don’t just refer to Barack Obama when I say that.

I’m just settling down on my new reclining leather sofas to write the first blog in weeks and I find I need to get up and take a piss….one sec.

That’s better. Anyway, the New Xbox Experience is nearly here, 11 days infact, and I’m liking the look of it. Being able to copy games to hard disk for silent play and faster load time is a new feature PS3 fanboys have been beating me to death with – no longer. The new interface is nice and the 3D avatars that you can customise and mime to your voice are simply awesome. A new life will be injected into 360 which will bring it back into the game against PS3 and of course continue to show the Wii up as a retarded underpowered console that is ruined the moment you find your mom playing Wii-fit with it.

Anyway, to stop skirting round the topic of the day, congratulations to the new president elect Barack Obama. I can’t think of a more perfect way to replace George W. Bush than for society to prove to the world that they still have a voice and they can still move forward rather than back. It is a good year.

Only two days until WWE RAW hits Manchester at the MEN Arena. I will be posting a blog as soon as I get back that night with photos and hopefully video, so come back for that one. It should be awesome.

Oh, and I did some stuff to this site. Keep it up to date. Good eh?