20 minutes to save the world, and all I have is a Post Office. And it's shut.

Wha-wah-wuh? What is this place… oh, wait wait no, I remember, thingimebob, urm, yes! Yes! That’s it, the internet! I remember now! Man, it’s been ages! I’m surprised the internet has coped to be honest, but I guess it just goes to show the strength of the place.

There’s so much catching up to do now, it’s going to take me a few days, but rest assured I’ll have all my Twitter, Facebook, websites and YouTubes all up-to-date in the coming days, weeks, months, or whatever.

So, what’s new? Well, I’ve completed Bioshock 2, which was the last thing I blogged about, a few times over. Sonic and Sega All-Stars Racing has been and gone too, which was a very fun game. Perfect Dark came out for Xbox Live, that’s an awesome game, and I’m currently playing through it along with Dante’s Inferno, which is another pretty awesome title.

Work-wise, well, its very busy. Mobilising to new areas, end of year reports, external audits, its been busy and this is primarilly the source of my missingness in the last few weeks. I’m glad to be having this Easter weekend off to actually get some time away from it all and do stuff like this, or chill out, or go for a beer.

Ah, there’s such a huge list of things to go through that I didn’t blog about at the time, its hard work right now. Maybe these things will just have to go unblogged. Never will we read about the exciting streets of broadway, Sonic 4, my various railway adventures to parts of the country, winning half a months wages in the bookies, a certain girl getting locked out of the office for a whole day, that chicken sandwich I ate, or Dawson missing WrestleMania because his phone was stolen. Perhaps some things are best left buried.

Nah. I’ll write about these things and more shortly. In the meantime, stay safe, be cool, and don’t forget, the rain falls up in Australia.

Oh yeah, the new Doctor Who that was on today is awesome. Matt Smith is a great Doctor. This brings that very old post about him I wrote ages ago full-circle or somesuch, the one where I buried him for no justifyable reason. Sorry Matt, all is forgiven.

On This Day 22 Years Ago…

A fat little child was born in Hope Hospital’s maternal ward. Due to a strike at the time the fat little child was delivered in a complicated manner by a trainee asian midwife and his father, and after nearly dying there and then, he would go on to experience more near-death expereinces than anyone could care to count.

But I made it through such unusual circumstances and for that I have decided there must be a reason. So from this day forth my mission is to find my reason. Or somthing like that, anyway.

So to celebrate this momentus occasion, I’m going to look at my favourite threee awesome things that were born during the legendary year of 1988.

Red Dwarf…

The mining ship Red Dwarf, lost 3 million years into deep space, and was to become so popular that it won nearly 8 million viewers on BBC 2, a record held to this day. It’s recent comeback on Dave broke more ground, and earned the largest viewing share of any digital channel ever in the United Kingdom. But it all started 22 years ago….

Two writers by the names of Rob Grant and Doug Naylor had previously been writing for Canned Carrott, and had also been the main driving force behind Spitting Image for many years, writing the world-famous “chicken song”. They decided the time had come to collaborate on their own TV sitcom, and thus the concept of Red Dwarf was born.

Despite being rejected by nearly every TV company in the land, BBC Manchester decided to pick up the programme. And so two Mancunian writers, both of whom attended Eccles College like myself, in a Swinton pub I regularly drank in, wrote a series that was born in the same month, and aired in the same year as myself.

To say Red Dwarf and I have somthing of a close relationship is understatement. The fact is I fell in love with this show before I knew the facts of it’s production. Red Dwarf is to me one of the funniest programmes I’ve ever seen, and is as much an obsessive part of my life as railways, or subways, or anything else.

The British Rail Class 142…

My most  beloved, quirky, odd little train oh how I adore you. But the final set built entered service on this day, 22 years ago. 142 096 entered service with British Rail. Built from British Leyland bus parts, and serving the Swinton line I live near to this very day, the unit is still in service with Nothern Rail, allocated to Newton Heath.

It’s basically a bus attached to a cattle truck. It has no bogies, so you feel the bounce of every little dip and curve in the track. The seats are 1980′s British Leyland bus seats, and the temperature is either “very hot” or “very cold”. But yet I am in love. They have such a nice look, make such a great noise, squeel when you thrash them round a bend…

Most importantly they’re fun. I’d rather travel on this than anything else running on the network today. It brings back nostalga, memories of family trips out and loitering around tracksides with Tom Appleby as a kid spotting trains. It was a fun time, full of childhood wonder that stays with me to this very day.

Star Trek: The Next Generation….

TNG came to our fine shores in 1988 to start a whole new world of exploration. The British Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise took a role that would not only redefine a franchise for decades to come, but the lives of millions of people around the world.

And the effect this show had on me is no less profound than anything else I care to mention. It taught me to think, realise that problems had solutions, and that people of all races and backgrounds could co-operate and live peacefully. It tought me morality, science, humor, creative thinking. It taught me everything that makes me what I am.

Before I discovered this show I was a rebel and a tearaway. I’ve gone well off the rails again since in many ways, but fundamentally my spirit of exploring my country, and hopefully now I have a bit of money, the world,  came from Star Trek. Every time I do a kind act it comes down to what I learned from Star Trek. And everytime I do somthing evil I feel the need to throw myself in the Brig and throw things at that funky blue forcefeild.

Had I not discovered this show I don’t know what would have happened. But I know things would be different, and for that I’m forever greatful to Gene Roddenberry for the gift he gave us all.

Welcome to Blog Post #71 – Tumble Dryer Advice.

A typical first bus maneuver. Thankfully, this wasn't my bus.

Driver change at Cheetham Hill Tesco, and the guy who took the wheel was, to say the bare minimum, a “rum cunt”. My primary reason for this judgement was the fact he walked like he had one leg bigger than the other and swore about 10 times in the 11 word conversation the two drivers had before driving off to continue the service. 

He managed to get as far as North Manchester General Hospital, which for anyone who knows the area isn’t very far at all, when we slid out of control down a tiny hill into one of those square white and yellow bollard and lampost. The windscreen shattered and the front of the bus sorta fell apart. 

Not ammused. Unfortunately, this would be the one day that I forget my phone, so I couldn’t take any TwitPics. You’ll just have to look at all the pictures of trams or me & Angela eating Subways instead. 

Oh, one thing I will say for Worst, their recovery truck arrived quicker than the Police did. Oh, and I wasn’t injured, before anyone asks, even the dodgy foot survived without any extra damage! 

Anyway, tumble dryer advice. Always buy Tumble Dryers in the afternoon when your feet have expanded. 

PS. Trying to get a new look and stuff on here, might even change the domain again as I suffer from major personality issues…….

No prizes for guessing what THIS one’s about…

It’s been a long, painful, and difficult process. It’s involved days painstaking effort and troubling hardships. I’ve had to endure the worst pain and suffering you can imagine outside of a Barry Manilow concert.

I know, I know, dry your eyes, it’s tuff to hear. But the topic has to be discussed in a blog. I have to share the pain and help the heeling process. I have to write about this;

Terry Wogan has left Radio 2.

I know, I know, I feel the pain, I feel it fellow readers. The morning commute will never be the same again for millions of us up and down the British Isles. No more will the rambling Irish guy who does the Eurovision song contest tell us about the abusive letters he gets, the millions of dodgy old people who love him, and stories about ‘those two who are having an affair’, whatever they’re called.

I have to admit I never really understood a single word he was saying, anyway, but there you go.

Naw, honestly though, people are waiting to hear about the foot (because it’s a very funny subject?) and so, I suppose I had better write somthing about my foot.

Apparently the fact the Health & Safety bloke has broken his foot is very funny, especially to the workforce, who, in there hundreds (literally) stand outside their vans in the yard of a morn, and laugh at the safety guy who “wasn’t very safe, were ya’, lolol”, and whistling the tune to Tresure Island behind my back.

But whatever. Yeah, so, the crutches do not agree with my hands and my ample frame. I regret all those years I went back for seconds now. Back is starting to kill me. I’m bored ridged but there isn’t really many people to talk to (apart from the McDermott Cube of course when he isn’t KO’ed or GETTING DRUNK WHILE I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK) – so, no, its not much fun at all actually.

Apparently WOE IS DANNY is bad for me though so, rather than go on about the negative aspects of the foot, lets talk about some of the positive aspects of the foot.

1. Angela actually being nice to me for once.
2. The laydays being sympathetic towards me.
3. Reruns of Top Gear on Dave. Richard Hammond.
4. Sponge Cake.

So I guess it’s not all bad. Now over to Terry Wogan for his final thoughts;

WELL NOW THEN, my weiry listeners, you’re LISTENING TO the breakfast show, here on, RADIO TWO.