If you’re going to steal things, be smart about it.

It’s a sound bit of advice for any budding upstarts out there looking to make an impact on the world wide interweb. I’ve noticed a trend recently of people attempting to steal my web designs and using them for their own websites. Unfortunately, they’re so fucking stupid they keep getting caught, so I thought I’d write a little bit of an idiots guide to stealing things on the internet.

One of the many amazing web designers out there.

If you’re going to steal it, at least re-upload the images.
There’s very little point in hotlinking to the images of the site you stole the page from. It leads to two problems, firstly you’re going to light yourself up all over the victim’s referrer stats like a Christmas tree, so you’re going to get caught quite easily. Secondly, you’ve left your content in the hands of someone else. If you’re going to do this, don’t be surprised if you wake up to find that I’ve relocated my images and plastered photos of giant penises all over your website.

And while you’re at it, change the url’s in the menus.
Much like the first problem, this one also makes you stick out like a sore thumb. It’s also redirecting traffic back to me, so, apart from making you look like a douche, it actually lets all your visitors know you’re a thief. And a douche.

Oh, and the JS files. You really don’t want to hotlink my javascript.
Because much like the images, I’ll just change the location and bombard your users with dialogue boxes informing them of how retarded you are.

CSS files, you might want to make your own.
Hotlinking my CSS files is also a bad idea. Believe it or not, quite a few people have done this and all of the above, and they’ve all ended up with bright pink pages full of cocks, and messages informing their users that the webmaster is a child molesting baby murderer.

But if you’re smart enough to avoid all that, at least change the text.
Because copying my text not only hurts your search engine rankings, it makes it incredibly easy to find you. A good resource for finding stolen content is http://www.plagiarismchecker.com/ – if you’re a thief, why not bash in your website’s URL with your retarded sausage fingers and see how obvious you are?

But most importantly, if you’re going to get caught, admit it. Don’t blame your Indian web designer.

“Dear Daniel King, Sorry for any harm caused by this as this was not our intention and had instructed the Indian web designers not to use any copyright material but appears to have still have occurred. We understand that the copyright issue rest with us and is our fault for not keeping on top of this.”

Making statements like this isn’t going to get you off the hook.  In fact, this statement is amazing on so many levels. Apart from being blatantly racist, it’s also incredibly transparent and absurd. Why would you, a man who lives in Pontefract, hire somebody from India to design your website for you, when there are plenty of low-cost web designers right here on your own doorstep?  Since you’ve rather foolishly decided to develop your website in a live environment, however, the only hits that are relevant to points 1-4 must be yours and your Indian web designer, who also lives in pontefract. In your house, as a matter of fact. I can see why you hired him! He’s cheap and close by. You might want to fire him though, apart from being a bit crap, he’s rubbish at following instructions.

For the love of god, if you’re going to do this, at least don’t fuck it up.
I’m sick and tired of seeing people take my website and then replace the logo with some shitty MS paint text and dumping a load of clipart in the main body. If you’ve not got the skills to at least make my work look good, then please, stay the fuck away from it.

Alternatively, just ask me.
If you like my work, how about a revolutionary idea? Rather than just stealing everything, why don’t you ask me to design your site for you. I promise to beat the price of your nearest Indian web designer, even if he does live in the next room, and I might even let you use some stuff for free. I’m not an utter douchebag (well, I am but I’m an accommodating douchebag) – so I really wouldn’t have a problem helping you out if you just asked. I may say no depending on the request, but it’s common courtesy, and you’ll be able to sleep at night knowing you’re not a complete and utter mongoloid.

And we’re back.

It’s time to restart the engines, reboot the mainframe, relaunch…. the product? Whatever. I’m back, and that’s the most important thing.

Time to sweep the yard a little, a lot has changed since I was last online in the blogosphere (that’s what they call it, right?) – the sad passing of MyGamerCard means my Xbox Gamercard has gone for a burton. I’m going to have to rummage around the web and see if I can find a new one, although I have a feeling whatever I come up with will look like  a turd on a tugboat, MyGamerCard really had it down.

In other news, the goatee has returned. It has also gone again, so that works out rather well when it comes to updating my photograph. But things may change once again in the near future, and of course, I’ll keep you all apprised to the important topic of my facial hair.

Speaking of blogs, I’ve spent a lot of my time away (apart from the usual sleeping, eating, drinking, and smoking things) working on another blog. TWO BLOGS, I hear you cry, how on earth are you going to manage that? Well, I don’t know yet, but we’ll just have to see how it pans out. But this new blog is for matters of a serious nature.

SERIOUS NATURE, I hear you cry, how on earth are you going to manage that? Well, I admit it sounds farfetched, but it’s true. You can check out The Hosting Folk’s Web Hosting Blog over here. You can read all my fasinating tips into webmastery, SEO, hosting, domains, industry news, and other exciting offers and deals.

Anyway, time to update WordPress, update the menus a lil’, and…. WRITE AWESOME BLOGS!

Sunday Musing

Before you ask, I didn’t steal that title off Inside Xbox, it’s a completely different day for a start.

Anyway, I’m wondering weather to bother with a blog site page anymore. I had a fan once who used to read it but, I have the feeling she probably isn’t bothering anymore. Frankly I don’t blame her.  Apart from the distinct lack of content, there’s also, ultimately, the inescapable fact that I am a complete penis head. That and she actually has far better things to do with her time than look up little old me I imagine.

So, assuming I do bother to stop bothering, where does that leave my presence on the world wide web? Well, I’ve got a couple of exciting web projects on the go at the moment, and recently I’ve been putting all my free time into those.

The Hosting Folks, my web hosting company, has recently gone through a major overhaul. Year on year our product offering, website, systems and customer base has been increasing, and this recent update gets us ready to launch into something (I hope) much bigger. As well as a major site overhaul, bringing what I believe is my best web design to date together with a much improved ordering system and control panel – we’re also now launching a new advertising campaign on various internet sites and – for the first time – Facebook.

I was skeptical of using Facebook ads for a long time – I wasn’t sure that there was enough of a target audience, however since launching the campaign a week ago, the result has been phenomenal, with a 20% increase in sales traffic generated via the social networking site. This is quite exciting and hopefully with substantiate in some growth to the company.

We’re also running some exciting offers at the moment, for example, you can order a .co domain name for just £6.99 during February – which is a pretty amazing price considering everyone else is selling around £30 right now. In my opinion, .co is the future for the internet, as .com domains become more and more sparse – they’re shorter, just as meaningful, and now, cheaper. Just use the discount code CHEAPCO.

We’re also doing 20% off all web hosting products – which you can now pay for on a yearly basis for a further discount – meaning huge savings. You can get professional, unlimited bandwidth hosting for around £17 a year that way, that’s just £1.40 a month. Check it out at http://www.thehostingfolks.com/

The other exciting project of course is FileSheep – a project by Dom “Sheepeep” Lamb and myself to create our own php based forum software. We’ve really gone to town over the last few months, and I  honestly believe it’s the best looking, most intuitive, and most importantly, the fastest forum software out there.  We’ve also got a nice community of folks, so come check it out at http://www.filesheep.com/

My next project is to re-launch my rail website, using the new domain uklo.co – I plan to create a mini social-networking site for rail enthusiasts, as well as providing a platform for my own rail videos and photos, as well as for others.

Remember folks, I do web design for anybody so, if you need a site creating, get it touch and I’ll see if I can accommodate you! I do cheap rates and, most of all, I’m frickin amazing at it. Well I think so, anyway.

Until next time?

My prediction’s for 200910… reviewed!

It’s amazing to note that this incarnation of my website blog thing, which exists purely to serve my amazingly oversized ego, has existed now since April 2008. Can you believe I’ve been writing this crap for nearly 2 and 3 quarter years?

I’ve decided to celebrate the new year by looking back at the post I made last year, and seeing which of my predictions came true, which did not, and which were so hilariously off the mark it now looks silly! You can click here to view the blog I wrote last year.

The first thing to note is that, at the top of that post, I do give Matt Smith a hard time as the 11th Doctor, calling into question his jawline and the bow tie. I now feel very silly as, having watched the series, I do love Matt Smith as the Doctor and, of course, now realise that bow ties are cool. I really should learn not to make snap judgments like that.

Anyway, let’s begin!

Manchester City might actually win something.

- Well, uh, didn’t happen. We bombed out of the only cup we had a chance of winning. But things are looking good for the premiership this season I understand so, there’s still time, just not in 2010.

Michael Jackson will return Tupac style and release a new album.

- Sadly not, but as predicted, every single type of re-release, remix and even a new Kinect video game did come out, but until he walks amongst us again, this one is also a “didn’t happen”.

Woolworths will return to the high street.

- Eh, uh, again, nada.

Sonic The Hedgehog will return to his #1 spot as the king of all Video Game time.

- Sonic 4 did happen. And then it came out. There’s still time for the situation to be redeemed however, and Sonic Colours is doing really well so, this one sort of happened, but perhaps not as strongly as I had hoped.

Star Trek II will be properly announced.

- More rumors but nothing substantial yet. This year is turning out to be a real letdown, huh?

Red Dwarf Series IX will air on Dave, over a decade since Series VIII aired. Rejoyce.

- ……ditto. Filming begins NEXT year now. God how you must make me wait for all my favorite things.

Nothing at all will happen with the Afghanistan situation.

- DING DING DING, WE HAVE A WINNER! I sware we’ll be having problems in that country for the rest of my lifetime, just last week there were more deaths involving our troops over there. It’s just all so sad.

President Obama will improve the lives of all working class Americans, and in return they’ll remove him from office.
George Bush’s new son, Bushdroid, will take office.

- Yup. In comes new healthcare reform, and in return he’s now a hated character. Joy. Thankfully he’s not out of office yet and the democrats managed to defend their senate seats earlier in the year. No sign of Bushdroid thankfully.

GLADoS returns to extract revenge, and ensure that she triumphs in huge success.

- Portal 2 indeed announced and, it does look rather awesome.

The Conservative Party will return to power for the first time since 1997 and privatise the last remaning public services.

- Oh boy, where to begin? David Cameron has indeed managed to grab power thanks to Nick Clegg and his Liberal Pussycat party, and we’re all now feeling the devastation of that decision. As a nice new year present, welcome to 20% VAT.

David Cameron will stop riding his bicycle to work.

- Yup. Like that kid gives a shit about the environment. Have you ever seen him go NEAR a bike since he took residence at No. 10?

The New Doctor Who will either Flop or Fly.

- He flew. By God he flew. What an awesome series it was. And Karen Gillian is so hot.

Bioshock 2 for Xbox 360 will be made of epic win.

- And it was. Not to mention as an added bonus. Bioshock Infinate was announced and that looks to be made of even more win. Win all round!

Finally, as a footnote, none of my predicted deaths occurred except perhaps for one. I made reference to the following; “Smithy from The Bill will be killed off in a freak handgliding accident.” – while this did not happen, rather ironically The Bill itself died as, after 20 years, ITV canceled the show. Yes, ITV sucks. The Bill, you will be missed.

And that’s it for this year. Coming soon: more fun and frolics in 2011!

Happy New Year everybody!