/spawn npc_blog_title

People often ask me, what is the most ammusing thing I do every day? Well, I love to put the shower head on the highest pressure and aim it at my belly button, and watch the resulting fountain, neigh, waterfall that comes out.

Nothing to do with this post, just thought I’d share that.

So, check this out. It’s the worlds smallest snow man, and, believe it or not, it’s 1/5th the width of a human hair.

There’s been a bit of a trend really towards making tiny tiny versions of things. The worlds smallest toy car, coin, match stick, and whatever else you care to think of, are all so small they’re beyond the naked eye. There’s even one company out there than can write your full name onto a single strand of hair.

Not entirely sure what the point is though. It’s a great advancement in technology, to be able to form snow at a microscopic level into such an intricate arrangement, but surely there are better things to be doing with the latest technology? What are these scientists doing?

“Shall we cure Cancer today?”
“I can’t, bit busy at the mo…”
“Why, what are you doing?”
“I’m seeing how long it takes a frog to assemble a flat-pack Ikea wardrobe.”

Still, nevermind.

While we’re on the subject, Bruce Forsythe is a randy old git isn’t he? Why is he always commenting on the girls on Strictly Come Dancing. “You could have stood at the top of the stairs doing this for my money!” while he grinds his hips. He’s eighty fucking five. 85. I wish I was that flexible NOW.

It’s surpsing how addictive this show can be actually. I don’t really like ballroom dancing or anything but it’s one of those shows you just get swept into.  That and it has a lot of pretty ladies waggling their assets around. I can see why Bruce made the career choice that he did.

Bring back the Generation Game I say. Now that was a fucking class show. Infact that needs to be Hall of Famed. There’s nothing more entertaining than watching people trying to make clay pots and ending up with something resembling a malformed scrotum.

Money, it’s a funny thing.

TODAY’S POST IS SPONSORED BY: REALLY SHIT GIF IMAGES INC.

And I’m quite short of it, but nevermind. It’s there to be spent right? Otherwise it just burns a hole in your pocket.

One more pay day before christmas, however, and as I get paid on the 15th, this gives me 10 days to do some panic christmas shopping. For those previously confused; there should be no shadow of a doubt by now that I am indeed a bloke with that statement, any bird would have had christmas shopping wrapped up in mid-July.

It’s funny stuff though, money. Take British Telecom, for example. They have loads of the stuff, but the only person in the whole of one particular village in Oxfordshire-Buckinghamshire to have the ability to recieve broadband just happens to be the Managing Director.

It’s too expensive to hook anyone else up, but Sir Michael Rake just happened to be 1cm closer to the exchange than everybody else and qualified. What a funny coincidence, huh? It certainly has nothing to do with the fact it’s unprofitable to hook everyone else in the village up, though.

Anyway, following on to today’s post’s money theme, I’m about to check the Bonus Ball number from this past saturday, to see if I’ve won the work draw. Exciting stuff people, this is live entertainment right ere’!

Okay, here I go, opening Google. Opening the website. Clicking on Lotto…….and…… fucking bastard. The bonus ball is 8, my first choice had it not been taken, as it’s my lucky number. I picked 18. Fuck fuck fuck. I really could use that £50.

It’s the inappropriate build-up to Christmas period….

Yep, it’s that really annoying time of year. You know, when the shops inappropriatly go Christmas crazy, but the leave’s have not even started falling off the trees yet.

There have been all sorts of remarkable things going on this year in Manchester. Oldham town market for example, already has a Santa’s grotto, and frankly I don’t think he’s licensed, either. I mean he was clearly eger.

Every supermarket has stacks of mince pies and selection boxes the moment you walk in the door of course, but nothing is quite so stupid as Morrisons own brand Mince Pies that have a use-by date way before the 25th of December. Now that just seems fucking strange if you ask me.

Of course plans are already afoot for putting the fecking Santa up on the Town Hall. I was supposed to be down there doing inspections this week but of course with David Cameron in town things have been put on the back burner. Still, it’s a new Santa this year apparently, which is always exciting isn’t it. Let’s just hope James May does not attach his caravan to it and attempt to fly off.

Back to the topic at hand though, stupid early christmas build-ups, B&Q is already pushing those stupid robotic Santa’s, and I think there’s one market town out towards Bury that already has it’s town lights up (wtf?). My favourite though, is the new gang in the area known as the ‘Movement for the Containment of Christmas’, who are randomly attacking stores that are selling christmas items too early.

So ruthless are the gang that three charity shops and a newsagent have been pranked called, and given stern warnings to stop selling the cards until mid-November. The trouble got out of hand, however, this past weekend when one member of the gang malicously and with intent stuck a message onto a shop window.

“This is a very polite but very serious reminder not to display Xmas cards until 1st November. We will put superglue into your locks if you do. Peace and goodwill (the Mind shop got done on Sunday).” They’ve gone too far dammit, too far!

Today, I’m going to be patriotic.

I’m feeling pretty rough this morning, stuck in bed with some hot lemon and the remote. Since the TV in my bedroom is Freeview, and our areial is, to say the least, shite, I’ve been stuck watching Sky News.

I’m glad though, because it means I have the honour of watching the 65th Anniversary of the D-Day Landings. This is the annivesary of when British, American, and a few crazy Canadian’s decided that they’d had enough of “having it up em”, and as a result, we beached ourselves on the shores of France, and liberated it. Which was jolly nice of us, wasn’t it?

I don’t pretend to know a lot about the war, nor can I begin to imagine the sacrafice these people made, not just during this time but during the entire war. I respect it though, and I find it pretty sad and, indeed, worring that, in 10 or 20 years time, we’ll probably not gather to remember D-Day in the way we do today.

The fact that the Queen has not attended this year, and that Gordon Brown has decided to wade in, bringing all his contorversy with him, is very depressing. It’s overshadowing the day, frankly, and I don’t think our veterans deserve that, do they?

It was, however, nice to see Barack Obama attend. He’s clearly a very popular man, and the British, French, and Canadian crowds alike all greeted him like a celebrity. This, I think, is quite unique in politics today. Nobody in our political system could dream of such a response, and I really do love the man. He does good work, he’s popular with the people, and he genuinely has respsect for the event which he’s attending (which no other US President has, IIRC).

A few years ago, when George W. was the President, I wished the American’s would listen to the rest of the world and take note. Now, with Gordon B. as our Prime Minister, I wish the rest of the world would listen to America.

But this asside, lets take a moment to pay some respect to those who sacraficed a great deal for us to have our “free” and wonderful world.