Why a software crash might mean just that…

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

The so-called environmental wondercar of the world, the Toyota Pryus, seems to have caught so much momentum in recent years with soft liberal-types and people with more concern over their environmental image than their personal one, that it shows no sign of stopping. Literally.

Bluescreen Of Pryus DeathThe news that thousands upon thousands of a particular model, worldwide, can’t stop under certain circumstances is quite hilarious if it wasn’t so potentially dangerous. What ammuses me most about this, though, is the fact that this isn’t caused by a faulty brake disk, wire, cable or component – it’s a software error.

And the fix for this problem? Well, a firmware update, obviously.

A bug in computer software can be an annoyance. It might stop me from getting my spreadsheet into the boss on time, or stop me from getting to level 21 in a game, but for a software bug to stop me from being able to stop my car properly?

Of course, this particular firmware update requires the owner to return the car to the Toyota dealership. But what about the future, when people receive firmware updates to their car’s dash over the air?

Software controlling output on a screen is fine, but when it governs the physical interaction of the world, it needs to be right. Sure, things can fail mechanically, too, but traditionally, you need to be near someone’s car to cut their brake line.

The thought occurs that, one day, someone might find a way to send some kind of software modification to a model of car, and cause every single person’s brakes to fail simultaniously, or invert their steering or somesuch. And the idea that we might be closer to that day than we all think is frightning.

So next time you open a dodgy e-mail, look out for Pryus’ coming towards you. All might not be as it seems….

11.02.2010 News / Events, Transport No Comments

I cry tears of joy.

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

04.02.2010 News / Events 3 Comments

The start of a revolution…

Friday, January 29th, 2010

Today, ladies and gentlemen, is the start of a revolution in wiping your arse – for you see, my hip, trendy new company, Tangerine, has released it’s latest and greatest product today, and it’s going to turn the world of bottom cleaning upside-down.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the iPaper.

It’s a new, ultra-soft, lightweight toilet paper, that looks really pretty. It’s exactly the same as our larger rival’s silky-smooth bog-roll, you know, the one they released four years ago, except it looks a bit prettier. It also fits on less toilet roll holders than our competitors, and it’s kinda restricted to people with an arse the size of a cat’s, but don’t worry; the price tag won’t let you down!

The new iPaper retails for just $599USD, that’s nearly $598 more expensive than our nearest rival!

So, the new Apple iPad. I had the chance to see one of these things in the Apple store the other day, and I really had to restrain myself from kicking the nearest dog. Or Apple store regular.

For you see, the iPad isn’t a “new” or “revolutionary” idea either, folks. I appreciate that nobody who orgasms over these stupid things will listen to that, and they’ll just drink Steve Job’s kool-aid until it makes them giddy. Frankly they can do, there’s nothing wrong with the iPad as a product in theory. Infact, it’s very good. It’s stylish, functional, and it does the job it’s designed to do very well.

The problem is the fact that one, it’s mis-sold, and two, Applefans are going to find every Windows laptop owner in the land and wave their iPad in their face like a spack, not realising that Windows users have had tablets for years now.

As you can see, this Tablet PC here is exactly the same size as the Apple iPad. It’s about half the price of the iPad. And it actually runs a proper operating system, the full version of Windows, bells and whistles, rather than some limited iPhone interface derivative, that probably only exists so you can spend money on downloadables.

Oh, and it came out four years ago now.

I really want to know what this fucking revolution Captain Job’s is waffling on about actually is. I really don’t understand how you can just take existing technology, not even make it that much prettier than what’s already there (lets face it, the Tablet PC pictured is pretty sexy) – then just slap a stupendious price tag on it and watch the kids and middle aged people like Stephen Fry lap it up like Jelly Babies made from pure platinum.

Now, bets until one of these things sets someone on fire, anyone?

29.01.2010 Gadgets & Reviews, News / Events No Comments

Pardon my French, but fuck Bungie.

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

Yeah, that’s right.  I realise Halo 3: ODST is the hottest shit since last week at the moment in the gaming community, but I saw somthing on Inside Xbox yesterday that really made me want to punch whoever is in charge of Bungie’s PR department in the jaw.

Let me explain. I’m sure we’re all no doubt aware by now of the awful events that have occured in Haiti. It’s a sad occurence and a real tragedy for anyone involved and their loved ones, and of course, a lot of people do want to help with whatever donations and aid they can provide.

Enter Bungie, who immediately sounded the Public Relations Alarm, and came up with this rather clever way to milk tragedy to increase their public image;  any gamers who play Halo 3 or Halo 3: ODST on Xbox Live any time on Wednesday or Thursday will need to wear a “special emblem signifying [their] commitment to the cause.”  That special emblem is a red heart that can be added to the user’s player by visiting the “Appearance” menu. Bungie will donate $100 to the Red Cross for every 1,000 gamers that participate. Gamers need only to play one game to qualify.

Bungie will keep donating cash to the Red Cross, up to a total of $77,000.

Sorry, but fuck that.  There are several problems with this that piss me off right now, and the first one of those is the cap. Just donate the $77,000. No, instead, they’re using the tragedy in Haiti to get people talking about Halo, and play the game, despite already knowing what they’re going to donate.  Just like any good marketing campaign, they have a budget.

Now I don’t mind this sort of thing when done properly. Microsoft for example donate a few pence for every IM sent and recieved that contains a certain special emoticon, the IM emote. This is fine, because they don’t cap what they’re donating, and it’s ongoing for a charity that is an established organisation, regularly taking dontains.

This is a personal tragedy for millions, and the aid is needed urgently. There should be no need for this PR crap. Donate the $77,000. Sure, tell people you’ve donated it, but don’t use this event as a excuse to generate cheap fucking PR. It really boils my blood. I just know for a fact some fucker in a suit has sat down and said “Hey, we can use this disaster to get more people playing and up our image!”

I don’t play Halo anyway, but I think I’ve decided not to start. If you really want to help the people of Haiti, visit Google’s page at http://www.google.co.uk/relief/haitiearthquake/ instead.

19.01.2010 News / Events 4 Comments

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