BioShock: Infinite is a mistake.

It’s no secret that I, like most people, am a huge fan of BioShock. I don’t really need to repeat why it’s so amazing, but if you have no idea what I am on about, you need to go and immerse yourself in this amazing world right now.

It’s quite surprising, then, that I’ve titled this post the way I have done. When the third installment in the BioShock series was announced, I took a few moments to consume what I was seeing, and I immediately expressed concerns. This has surprised a few people, but I’m going to take a moment now to explain just exactly why this game, or rather, it’s title, is a mistake.

Rapture, the setting of the previous two titles, is a very distinctive world. It’s been very carefully thought out by Ken Levine and his team, and it’s probably the most impressive playing environment I’ve ever experienced. I’ll be the first to admit that most FPS games are the setting and storyline equivalent of a very poor B movie, with notable exceptions, but if BioShock was a feature film, it would probably be one of the best of all time (there is actually a film adaptation in the works, but it remains to be seen how it compares. I don’t need to bring up the disastrous track record of game to movie transitions).

The game is set in the floating city of Columbia.

The one thing that does strike me about the universe, however, is that it seems somehow plausable. I know the concept of an “underwater city” built on 1940′s technology is impossible, but it does somehow feel believable.  Suspension of disbelief comes naturally to Rapture, at no point have I ever questioned it’s setting. It feels natural and, I suppose if you had unlimited resources, I’d go so far as to say it’s plausable. Infact the idea that there might be a secret city in the ocean like Rapture is very alluring.

This new title is set in a city called Columbia.  Apart from being a pretty unimaginative name, there is one major detail about it that is in total contrast to Rapture. It’s floating in the sky on giant hot air balloons.

This is a problem. It’s completely implausible on many levels; it makes no sense to fly a city in this way, the ammount of fuel required to keep such a city in the air makes no sense. Bad weather would destroy such a city in a moment. Everyone’s going to know it’s there because you can see it from the ground. It’s just bonkers in every single way.

The idea behind Columbia is that it’s a sort of “death ray” – fine, but you wouldn’t build an entire city. It lacks that feeling of “hey, you know, this kinda feels real” that rapture gives you, and that is the mistake. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this is going to be a bad game. I’m not even saying it’s a bad setting, or a bad storyline, but the problem is this: BioShock Infinate.

Now if the game had been titled something else, I wouldn’t be typing this. I’m a fan of steampunk and, stand alone, I like the concept. But, even if the stories are not linked, the titles are. By putting this city in the same universe as Rapture, the former has now been tainted. I’m worried that this game will take away some of the magic Rapture gives me, by shattering the illusion, and that would be very sad.

Opera is music to my ears.

It pains me to admit this but, for the last couple of years, I have been using Internet Explorer as my main web browser. Since version 7, which shipped with Windows Vista, I have found Internet Explorer to actually be a capable web browser.

When it was first released with Vista, it was actually quite impressive, however, a worrying amount of time has passed since Vista went RTM (I really, really feel old) and, as Opera demonstrated to me this past week, Internet Explorer has fallen behind again.

There are three key things I look for in a browser, appearance, functionality, and speed. You may question appearance as something trivial that isn’t important, however, the web browser is the one application that is open on my screen more often than any other, by a mile. If I’m going to spend a fair chunk of my day with something, I want it to look good.

Internet Explorer delivered this, using the Windows Aero interface to great effect. FireFox has never really hit that mark for me, although it is functional, it’s a slow and fugly browser, and even though it’s skinnable, slapping a coat of paint over a dog turd is still a dog turd. Chrome is a quick and pretty browser, however it’s functionality is severely lacking. Internet Explorer was a nice middle ground between functionality, speed, and looking cool.

I was convinced to give Opera a second chance this past weekend, and I have to admit I was pleasantly surprised. I have used Opera as my main browser before, many years ago, and while it was a decent browser, at the time it wasn’t free, and wasn’t quite up to the level of FireFox at the time.

Opera today however, particularly this 10.60 beta version, hits all the spots perfectly. It’s interface is very pretty, using Aero glass to great effect, and making efficient use of space to create a logical interface that is very easy to navigate. The program is also skinnable, and various excellent skins exist including the “Z1-Glass” skin, which makes even better use of the Aero Glass interface and makes Opera possibly the prettiest browser I’ve ever used.

It’s not all eyecandy though. Opera is serious about speed, and this latest build has had it’s code streamlined so well that it outperforms Chrome by nearly 20%, making it offically the fastest browser available right now. It’s speed is really impressive, and you really do notice a difference compared to other browsers. With a small system footprint, quick page loads and excellent rendering, there are no complaints in this department either.

Finally functionality. Opera has always been a functional browser, innovating many of the features that FireFox is wrongly credited with introducing. Opera actually comes with more useful tools as standard than any other web browser, yet still manages to maintain a clean and minimalist interface. Some of the best features of the recent versions are the Sync feature, which allows you to keep your bookmarks, speed dials and settings across not only all your computers, but your handheld devices running Opera.

IRC chat is built in as standard, as is a spell checker, advert blocker, “Widgets” (Opera’s answer to Sidebar Gadgets, which stay open even after Opera is closed), a notepad, a fully fledged download manager, an e-mail client, and some impressive social networking tools.

In conclusion, Opera is most definitely a serious contender in the Browser Wars and anybody wanting to try something a little bit different, I urge to download Opera 10.6 and see for yourself just how good a browser this thing is.

In the Garden we are growin’….

Obligatory thoughts & views on Bioshock 2 follow. Please stand by.

So, Bioshock 2 came out last Wednesday, and as I’m now on my second playthrough, I have to admit, this game is just as good as the origonal. The story is class, the character development still there, and the atmosphere and attention to detail in the underwater world is just, well, amazing.

So the single player portion delivers in buckets and spades. The gameplay upgrades feel natural and enhance the game from the previous title, and the new weapons and plasmids are pretty awesome.

Couple things wrong with the single player mode though; there seems to be a Gene Bank station on every wall;  and as such there are a lot of Gathers Gardens around too. One of the challenges of the first game IMO was coming across these things. There are also Ammo Bandito machines sprinkled liberally, moreso than the first game, where they weren’t very obvious at all. The Circus of Values were always all over the shop, so that’s no surprise though.

Health stations suffer from the same problem, actually. There are also aren’t a great deal of security cameras, auto-turrets or other electronic defences compared to Bioshock 1. Multi-part quests don’t even pop up until the very end of the game. When a box pops up to teach you a gameplay element during the final boss, you know it’s been underused.

Big Sisters on the other hand a goddamn hard and fun to fight. There’s nothing better than a nicely sculptured female body in a diving suit doing extreme parkour and using telekanisis to throw doors at you.

The multiplayer element, though, is not so good.  The fact that everyone essentially spawns in the same room at the start of the match, and subsequently respawns in the same room 90% of the time, means that the fighting generally concentrates in one small area, with large bits of map not very inhabited in smaller games.

This also means that this game is a camper’s dream. Just sit in the corner with your granade launcher, and wait as person after person appears in the same general area.

The idea of having to use research on bodies to do well in multiplayer battles, and the story driven level based gameplay, is actually a fresh idea that I like. But unfortunately the sides are let down by the core product.

The spawn points need spreading out. Like, srsly now.

But all in all, a brilliant game that I really can’t fault. A 9 out of 10.

Now, Sonic & Sega All Stars racing…. the demo for that game is pretty awesome. I’ll be picking that up next week too…. stay tuned.

The start of a revolution…

Today, ladies and gentlemen, is the start of a revolution in wiping your arse – for you see, my hip, trendy new company, Tangerine, has released it’s latest and greatest product today, and it’s going to turn the world of bottom cleaning upside-down.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the iPaper.

It’s a new, ultra-soft, lightweight toilet paper, that looks really pretty. It’s exactly the same as our larger rival’s silky-smooth bog-roll, you know, the one they released four years ago, except it looks a bit prettier. It also fits on less toilet roll holders than our competitors, and it’s kinda restricted to people with an arse the size of a cat’s, but don’t worry; the price tag won’t let you down!

The new iPaper retails for just $599USD, that’s nearly $598 more expensive than our nearest rival!

So, the new Apple iPad. I had the chance to see one of these things in the Apple store the other day, and I really had to restrain myself from kicking the nearest dog. Or Apple store regular.

For you see, the iPad isn’t a “new” or “revolutionary” idea either, folks. I appreciate that nobody who orgasms over these stupid things will listen to that, and they’ll just drink Steve Job’s kool-aid until it makes them giddy. Frankly they can do, there’s nothing wrong with the iPad as a product in theory. Infact, it’s very good. It’s stylish, functional, and it does the job it’s designed to do very well.

The problem is the fact that one, it’s mis-sold, and two, Applefans are going to find every Windows laptop owner in the land and wave their iPad in their face like a spack, not realising that Windows users have had tablets for years now.

As you can see, this Tablet PC here is exactly the same size as the Apple iPad. It’s about half the price of the iPad. And it actually runs a proper operating system, the full version of Windows, bells and whistles, rather than some limited iPhone interface derivative, that probably only exists so you can spend money on downloadables.

Oh, and it came out four years ago now.

I really want to know what this fucking revolution Captain Job’s is waffling on about actually is. I really don’t understand how you can just take existing technology, not even make it that much prettier than what’s already there (lets face it, the Tablet PC pictured is pretty sexy) – then just slap a stupendious price tag on it and watch the kids and middle aged people like Stephen Fry lap it up like Jelly Babies made from pure platinum.

Now, bets until one of these things sets someone on fire, anyone?