No prizes for guessing what THIS one's about…

It’s been a long, painful, and difficult process. It’s involved days painstaking effort and troubling hardships. I’ve had to endure the worst pain and suffering you can imagine outside of a Barry Manilow concert.

I know, I know, dry your eyes, it’s tuff to hear. But the topic has to be discussed in a blog. I have to share the pain and help the heeling process. I have to write about this;

Terry Wogan has left Radio 2.

I know, I know, I feel the pain, I feel it fellow readers. The morning commute will never be the same again for millions of us up and down the British Isles. No more will the rambling Irish guy who does the Eurovision song contest tell us about the abusive letters he gets, the millions of dodgy old people who love him, and stories about ‘those two who are having an affair’, whatever they’re called.

I have to admit I never really understood a single word he was saying, anyway, but there you go.

Naw, honestly though, people are waiting to hear about the foot (because it’s a very funny subject?) and so, I suppose I had better write somthing about my foot.

Apparently the fact the Health & Safety bloke has broken his foot is very funny, especially to the workforce, who, in there hundreds (literally) stand outside their vans in the yard of a morn, and laugh at the safety guy who “wasn’t very safe, were ya’, lolol”, and whistling the tune to Tresure Island behind my back.

But whatever. Yeah, so, the crutches do not agree with my hands and my ample frame. I regret all those years I went back for seconds now. Back is starting to kill me. I’m bored ridged but there isn’t really many people to talk to (apart from the McDermott Cube of course when he isn’t KO’ed or GETTING DRUNK WHILE I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK) – so, no, its not much fun at all actually.

Apparently WOE IS DANNY is bad for me though so, rather than go on about the negative aspects of the foot, lets talk about some of the positive aspects of the foot.

1. Angela actually being nice to me for once.
2. The laydays being sympathetic towards me.
3. Reruns of Top Gear on Dave. Richard Hammond.
4. Sponge Cake.

So I guess it’s not all bad. Now over to Terry Wogan for his final thoughts;

WELL NOW THEN, my weiry listeners, you’re LISTENING TO the breakfast show, here on, RADIO TWO.

No prizes for guessing what THIS one’s about…

It’s been a long, painful, and difficult process. It’s involved days painstaking effort and troubling hardships. I’ve had to endure the worst pain and suffering you can imagine outside of a Barry Manilow concert.

I know, I know, dry your eyes, it’s tuff to hear. But the topic has to be discussed in a blog. I have to share the pain and help the heeling process. I have to write about this;

Terry Wogan has left Radio 2.

I know, I know, I feel the pain, I feel it fellow readers. The morning commute will never be the same again for millions of us up and down the British Isles. No more will the rambling Irish guy who does the Eurovision song contest tell us about the abusive letters he gets, the millions of dodgy old people who love him, and stories about ‘those two who are having an affair’, whatever they’re called.

I have to admit I never really understood a single word he was saying, anyway, but there you go.

Naw, honestly though, people are waiting to hear about the foot (because it’s a very funny subject?) and so, I suppose I had better write somthing about my foot.

Apparently the fact the Health & Safety bloke has broken his foot is very funny, especially to the workforce, who, in there hundreds (literally) stand outside their vans in the yard of a morn, and laugh at the safety guy who “wasn’t very safe, were ya’, lolol”, and whistling the tune to Tresure Island behind my back.

But whatever. Yeah, so, the crutches do not agree with my hands and my ample frame. I regret all those years I went back for seconds now. Back is starting to kill me. I’m bored ridged but there isn’t really many people to talk to (apart from the McDermott Cube of course when he isn’t KO’ed or GETTING DRUNK WHILE I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK) – so, no, its not much fun at all actually.

Apparently WOE IS DANNY is bad for me though so, rather than go on about the negative aspects of the foot, lets talk about some of the positive aspects of the foot.

1. Angela actually being nice to me for once.
2. The laydays being sympathetic towards me.
3. Reruns of Top Gear on Dave. Richard Hammond.
4. Sponge Cake.

So I guess it’s not all bad. Now over to Terry Wogan for his final thoughts;

WELL NOW THEN, my weiry listeners, you’re LISTENING TO the breakfast show, here on, RADIO TWO.

Coming soon to Sesame Street…

Stop Press: I have since this blog been donated monies for food, and will now survive, unfortunately for some, luckily for you, until Tuesday, when my fate will be decided by the Court of the Coconut Crab People. Stay tuned for that one.

Today’s challenge, which actually is becoming quite humorous if it wasn’t dangerous, is how I’m going to eat for the next two days. I really don’t have anything left to eat, I have £6 left in my account, with no authorised overdraft. I don’t have a credit card, and although I sound like a rum turkey, I have not spent any of my wages on alcohol, drugs, cigarettes or any other vice except Subways and Taxi’s because I’ve been getting up quite late recently.

Who said living on your own was easy, eh? I need help, my friends and followers. I need help.

No, I’m not going to ask for money! I need to come up with a solution on how to make a meal with only the following ingredients. Any suggestions will be appreciated;

1. Salt
2. Pepper
3. A sachet of mustard
4. A packet of tomato ketchup flavoured crisps.
5. Four bottles of water.
6. Ten oven chips. (French Fries in Canadaland? Je Suis Francé Potatospud to the Qubecians no doubt. You should comment!)
7. Some Levi Roots’ REGGAE REGGAE SAUCE, PUT SOME MUSIC IN  YOUR FOOD…
8. Ice cubes.
9. Half a penguin biscuit.
10. Dog Food.
11. A tube of Bonjella gum ointment.

Not exactly the best bag you could take to an episode of Ready Steady Cook, is it? I could eat five chips today and five chips tomorrow, and put some REGGAE REGGAE SAUCE on them, but I don’t think that’ll cut the mustard really.

Maybe some dog food combined with REGGAE REGGAE SAUCE cooked and flavoured with salt, pepper, sprinklings of tomato ketchup flavour crisps (chips?) and then melting half a penguin chocolate biscuit over it might actually work in some weird way. It sounds nice right now. That’s how hungry I am.

I might just eat the REGGAE REGGAE SAUCE on it’s own.

/spawn npc_blog_title

People often ask me, what is the most ammusing thing I do every day? Well, I love to put the shower head on the highest pressure and aim it at my belly button, and watch the resulting fountain, neigh, waterfall that comes out.

Nothing to do with this post, just thought I’d share that.

So, check this out. It’s the worlds smallest snow man, and, believe it or not, it’s 1/5th the width of a human hair.

There’s been a bit of a trend really towards making tiny tiny versions of things. The worlds smallest toy car, coin, match stick, and whatever else you care to think of, are all so small they’re beyond the naked eye. There’s even one company out there than can write your full name onto a single strand of hair.

Not entirely sure what the point is though. It’s a great advancement in technology, to be able to form snow at a microscopic level into such an intricate arrangement, but surely there are better things to be doing with the latest technology? What are these scientists doing?

“Shall we cure Cancer today?”
“I can’t, bit busy at the mo…”
“Why, what are you doing?”
“I’m seeing how long it takes a frog to assemble a flat-pack Ikea wardrobe.”

Still, nevermind.

While we’re on the subject, Bruce Forsythe is a randy old git isn’t he? Why is he always commenting on the girls on Strictly Come Dancing. “You could have stood at the top of the stairs doing this for my money!” while he grinds his hips. He’s eighty fucking five. 85. I wish I was that flexible NOW.

It’s surpsing how addictive this show can be actually. I don’t really like ballroom dancing or anything but it’s one of those shows you just get swept into.  That and it has a lot of pretty ladies waggling their assets around. I can see why Bruce made the career choice that he did.

Bring back the Generation Game I say. Now that was a fucking class show. Infact that needs to be Hall of Famed. There’s nothing more entertaining than watching people trying to make clay pots and ending up with something resembling a malformed scrotum.