For those unfamilliar with this title, it was released my Microsoft’s “Kids” department in 1995, shortly after the release of the slightly more sucsessful Windows 95 operating system. The kids department released often cheesy and half-baked titles aimed at children, including Creative Writer (a version of Microsoft Word with very big buttons and silly language) – and a rather disturbing Magic Schoolbus title, licensed from the childrens TV melodrama of the same title.

The game allows the user to choose from a wide range of scenes, then place 3D characters into those scenes and animate them in any way they wish. They can add speach bubbles or, with a suitable 16 bit sound card and microphone, record their own dialogue. The completed movie could then be saved and even shared online.

Now, of course, during 1995 the third dimension was still very much in it’s infancy. The Playstation was just about starting to make some inroads, but most 3D games still consisted of sprite-based bad guys in limited perspective environments. This was especially true for PC games, which lacked the gaming hardware that computers today take for granted. Back then, if you had more than 64mb of ram you where considered the elite.

For the time, then, the graphics and features available on this game are quite impressive. At first glance, anyway. The scenes are actually pre-rendered, and the 3D models have about three polygons each, but this is of course forgiveable. It still looks quite pretty.

Then shit starts to move, and the whole thing falls apart. Any attempt at walking by any of the characters results in some bizzare stepping motion while the entire upper body remains motionless. Any other form of movement is erratic and somewhat strange, and it’s all too easy to use the motion tool to make the characters appear to hump each other.

Infact that last bit is the most realistic animation on there. Then there are other issues, like the ability to make the characters randomly hump their way into the sky and off into no-mans land. The scenes are set in place so the characters just seem to wander off forever. Combine this with a frame rate of 8, and you can see why this game is probably a bit strange.

Now I do love the fact I can make a fat old sailor shag a Japanese lady at complete at total random at 8fps, but this does bore after a while. You can, if you want, make a proper movie with this thing I suppose, although I doubt it’ll become a timeless classic.

Strangely enough this game has a bit of a cult following, though. As recently as 2005, modifications and expansion packs have been released for it, as well as new tools and things of that nature. That’s a whole decade of unleashing terror on unexpecting kids of all ages.

This game then is, for all its faults, random quirky fun, and the ability to make anything have sex with anything from the street to a telephone box is nothing short of win.

Danny’s Retro Rating: